I recently said goodbye to Chase Oaks for a few weeks as I enter into study break and vacation. I’m looking forward to both, but I am already looking forward to returning. I love our church, and I hate to miss out on what I know God will do during The Pursuit series that Drew is teaching and what God will do in and through the church in general. I know it is healthy for me to unplug, but right now I hate to do so!
I’ve had a love interest in the local church for a long time, and trust me, I know how messed up local churches can be. I’ve not always been engaged in healthy ones, and none of them even come close to perfection. A couple of times in my life I was even disillusioned with the concept.
When I was a teenager, I was involved with a group of college and high school students who started a parachurch ministry focused on discipleship and evangelism. We were deeply committed to our own growth, toward each other, and toward outreach. At the same time, most of us were all involved in the same local church. As the ministry grew in numbers and intensity, we soon noticed how the church was not growing in numbers or intensity—and that the church seemed very content with that reality. People were coming to Christ and growing rapidly in the faith in our ministry, and not much of anything like that seemed to be happening in the church. It seemed to us that if the church closed its doors that day, that no one in the community would even know the difference.
As we looked around our city, we couldn’t find a church that seemed to defy the reality of our own. In our youthful idealism, we soon came to the conclusion that the church in America was asleep, and it was our job to wake it up—or else God would come in judgment.
We started writing a monthly paper called “The Tablets of Clay,” from Habakkuk 2:2, “Inscribe the warning on tablets of clay, so those who read it may run.” We also had a quarterly mailer called, “The Wailing,” the name of which should give you the drift. I was in charge of the mailing list, and we sent them out to the membership of all the evangelical churches in town. I also wrote several of those articles.
Over time, we became increasingly disillusioned with the local church and increasingly impressed with ourselves. And God was using the ministry. People were coming to Christ. We were all growing in the faith. Yet, our heart was growing away from the local church as our criticisms escalated. Many in our ministry pretty much left the church, while I and a number of others stayed engaged.
The Christmas of my junior year in high school found me in Breckenridge, Colorado, on a ski vacation with my family. One evening, I walked outside with my Bible and a flashlight to find a quiet place in the snow-filled woods to spend some time with God. I found a clearing where I could see the full moon and stars above the trees, and opened my Bible. During that month, I had been reading in Exodus, and I opened to the story of Moses coming down from the mountain, after receiving the law from God. In those 40 days of Moses’ absence, the people make a golden calf, a huge idol. God speaks to Moses before his trip down the mountain and says, “These people have already turned away from me. I am going to let my anger burn against them and destroy them, and start over with you. From you I will make a great nation.”
As I read God’s words, I thought, “What if God said, ‘What if I wipe out the church in America, that is nothing but asleep, and start over again with groups like yours all around the country.” I wouldn’t want anyone to die, but short of that, I would have said, “Go for it!”
But Moses doesn’t. He reminds God of his promises to Israel, of Israel’s special place in the divine plan. He intercedes for the people of God, and as a result, God turns aside his anger.
Then it hit me. I was fighting against what God was building. Jesus said, “I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.” I realized I was tearing down what God’s spirit was working to build up. As messed up as churches can get, it was still the vehicle God had chosen.
I came back to a meeting of our organization, and announced that I could no longer be part of the group. I shared a little of the above paragraph, how it seemed to me that we were working against what God was building. The leader of the ministry opened the door and said that if I go I should go ahead and leave now—and he added that once that door closed behind me, it was closed forever. That was tough. He was the one God had used to spark spiritual fervor and devotion. But I walked out that door. A few years later, we did reconnect and work through all that, but that was no easy evening.
Since then, I’ve devoted my life to be part of building healthy, missional churches. For most of those years, I’ve had the privilege of being at Chase Oaks. And through working with the Center for Church-Based Training, I’ve had the opportunity to support and encourage hundreds of churches around the country and all over the world.
In all that, I have learned to love the local church. In all of our imperfection, God chooses to use us. The brokenness of the church is actually part of its beauty. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians, God chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise. Even when I’ve been involved in churches that were really struggling, I could see the Spirit at work.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m committed to doing all I can to help churches be effective. The mission demands nothing less than that. When churches don’t work well, they can do lots of harm.
But when churches work well—not perfectly, but well—there is nothing so beautiful and powerful as God working through His body to fulfill His redemptive mission. That’s why I’m struggling with leaving. I’m going to be with God, to have more time to pray, to think, to prepare, to plan. These next few weeks are the most significant of the year. I know that. At the same time though, I’m a little jealous for those who get to stay.